It comes as no surprise that a divorced person can give you all advices for great marriage. Indeed mistakes of somebody’s life give you best example what to avoid, you learn from bad marriage. You need to have a strategy to be successful happy married man. Hard way of people who were married before gave them few lessons for you to establish.
Nowadays people think in advance just not to lose their precious feelings of their life, they do their best in order to make less mistakes but more positive things for beloved. If not, they will search what went wrong. Sometimes one used to put his fault to someone else but the more adult and experienced a person is, the more he searches the problem in himself. And the success and luck totally depends on the pass.
Let’s speak about contributes to the marriage in the behavior, in particular experience leads to the repeat actions the same for their results and that helped us to make some conclusions. It is better to help yourself and others with something you did wrong but next time you will count on this and will try your best and do in another way.
We can distinguish 10 lessons men have learned from being married. Let’s analyze them more specifically.
1. Never stop dating with your husband or wife.
Time passes and you may lose the passion to your spouse in case you do not try your best to attract her or his attention with any dating notice.
Go ahead and read about 1 example.
John and Dana have been married for about 15 years and they lived together happily with two wonderful children, however during 4 last years they sleep on the opposite sides of the bed and feel separate from each other just because of the routine. Children grew up a bit and both parents made their job carrier however no time for private life at all. They rushed to the feeling of being about to divorced. While Dana was upset to death and thinking what to do, John surprised her by invitation to the restaurant for a dinner. To say more, they had wonderful intimate evening in a good cozy place with delicious food, smooth music and endless conversations. Afterwards they took a decision to date regularly and to make contribution for both to be attentive to each other and not to let their love fade away. Your spouse will feel the magic and will do her best to keep the passion and romance together for years.
2. Fight is not a way out.
Common feeling of being annoyed or about to explode is known almost every married couple, what is more even if men are less emotional than women they used to have their negative energy to throw out in aggressive way.
If she doesn’t close the tube with tooth paste, if she loses her hair everywhere even in the kitchen, if you find her hygienic intimates somewhere in your box in the bathroom or you hate this abnormal sweet and hard scent of the soap in the shower and perfume in the bedroom. If you do not like her recent dish new from the internet or if she said something completely stupid – whatever – you have million reasons to fight against the injustice the very right moment!
Indeed it will take to count till 10 to decide if you wish your fight started and if it really worth to do it, just think about the results – bucket of tears and pout face. Both of you need to be wise and think about your annoyance and it is better to turn the situation to another stream.
3. Talk and discuss.
You will keep your problem on the same level if you do not discuss it properly with your spouse. You will never know what your beloved guess or thinks or supposes. You should ask directly or talk or speak at least but never put double meaning to the gaze or look or face expression – this will lead to quarrels and holes in trustful feelings.
For example, Dave adored Sandy to meet him after work with tasty dinner, and some dessert but instead he was forced to go out to any café or restaurant. He did not tell this to his wife as she was working hard as well and there is no time for her to hanging around in the kitchen. Both spouses are workaholics and no time to meet each other and think about their wishes and their life to pass little bit slower and pleasant. There is a way out: to leave a job for a wife if she agrees or to change a working place for a husband for better to earn money for the whole family, but, anyway, firstly they need to open their mouths and to talk about what each of them really wants.
False expectations ruin relationships. No one can plug into someone’s head and read his thoughts, moreover if this head is ones of women’s.
4. Chores is not for women only.
Scientists advise it is better for a couple to distinguish and to divide all chores at home – this will minimize the duty of business around the house. In case one spouse does that with all her passion she will be tired and stressed at the nearest future and what is more frustrated with the home job like a pressure.
You have to realize who agrees to walk with dogs or feed cats, who likes cooking or cleaning, may be for you it is better to wash the dishes instead of picking up children from the kindergarten. Our other half will wonder why she does the same things all the time and no one is helping her, but you never guessed to sort all things into two parts and this will be much easier for both. Clean out the space for the happy life but not for absorbing chores and forgetting about free time; and what the meaning of the word “leisure” is.
5. Be thankful and polite.
Never forget about two main words of your life as a proof of a human to be social: “please” and “thank you”.
Remember if you neglect to use them your request without “please” will sound like a command, like an imperative mood to do something quickly – this will cause special afterglow in your relationship. You need to realize that being granted and appreciated is very important for not a woman only but for all of us. You will understand that your beloved will do something with big pleasure and grant you with a kiss – this will be sincere and with all her heart.
Such polite manners will save your marriage from being vulgar, boring, distant.
6. One bed to share.
Taking each day events of your life is very uncommon; you accept routine, pleasant moments, happiness and troubles, news – sometimes good and sometimes terrible. But as many men think – you cannot refuse from one thing – wake up and see the face of the dearest person, you get to sleep next to her and you wake up and see her again. So no bad news will be so bad if you don’t share your bed with your spouse. This is an absolute conclusion: you make your day brighter when you begin it with this moment. You have chosen this lady from the thousands of others and it is a treasure for you to lie next to her. Feed the fire of your love with such simple things.
7. Don’t be afraid of non-love.
It is OK with you if you feel sometimes that you don’t love this lady, your love is over and passion and fire blown away. All feelings are real in real life and what you feel at this moment is also real. But let us tell you one thing: you feed your love with actions. When you stop doing this – your love is over. If you keep doing – your love is endless. Love cannot be perfect so such confesses like hating each other from time to time is of common subject due to marriage affairs.
8. Care yourself.
You have to be attractive, be like when you met each other, be like in the day you got married and still you need to keep doing it. You should not think if you accept her with all her pluses and minuses – you love her all the time (of course there are moments when you upset with thought that you do not like her at all). But think about seduction of your appearance, be accurate with your clothes and health, attentive with the smell of your body, be such a man for her like you intend to meet her for the first time! Yes, it’s difficult, of course, but it worth for. Being more attractive and sexy – gives the feeling of more confidence.
9. Care of the intimacy.
This greatest part of your married life is more than important. If one of you neglect with the search of another way to burn the fire, other half will go and look for it somewhere else. Sure, everyday routine does sex too simple and not tasty, but as your life of living together is a complex task, accept the fact you have to work hard, really hard. In case man is not interested, woman loses her passion as well and then it will be more difficult to restore the marriage in general.
Do not forget about romance, candles, tender and passionate kisses and smooth touches, keep you interest with all your love and you will take the feedback.
10. Don’t forget the reason of your marriage.
Remind your spouse (try to do that every day) what a great person she is, why you married her and how you appreciate to be with her. Tell her as often as possible that it was the greatest day of your life when you saw her. Yes, sometimes we forget about why we are together, we forget about our choice of making someone or dearest person as well as our blood relatives.
Try to remind her this on the hardest days, make her smile and see how much you love her, – this will give power to keep your union as the precious thing!
You live your life together and both of you change, grow, take an experience on separate way or just being together, you have great part of your life that is common – all of this will give you the impulse to keep your spouse.
P.S. Your “everything” is next to you.
Make your spouse not just a girlfriend, lover but a close friend. Remember that day when you place your ring on her finger, for you – may be no status changes in particular but for her – this is a safe place to be smoothed and wrapped with care, love and defense.
She could be your life and business partner, best listener and adviser, your number one woman who cares about you and will be your home front. It doesn’t matter how many years you have been together you learn from your common experience and help each other to make serious decisions. That is why she is your “everything”, she is next to you to kiss and hold her closer.
Time will make your relationships stronger if your union survives through several years and you are the only one now to make it work with your marriage.
Here we will give you some general advices that could be additional help for you to know.
Encourage your spouse.
To be honest more than 22% of divorced people confessed that they wish they would have given more support to their spouses. That means more holds, more kisses, more tender and sweet words in the morning or even simple “Good Night” before a sleep. They would ask “How are you?” more times than they used to, what a regret! However this statistics make positive effect for those who accept mistakes and never make them in future. There is such a word as “compliment” – you cannot handle with loss of romance without it.
Now we would like you to know some facts about “affection” and what is that in marriage. Indeed we consider love feelings with that like a complex feeling to your spouse on a base of experience during years of life together. It consists of: love and demonstrating love to your beloved; the way how spouses make each other feel good; making things together and respecting interests; the way how often they make their common life more interesting; taking care of themselves.
If we speak about the most powerful subject of many family quarrels, no need to figure it out that it is about money. More than half of vulnerable and difficult families fought about lack of money, about bad job position, about absence of demand. They lie to each other, they do not mention about their spendings and they try to control each other’s budget. But, what is more, taking into account such a problem most marriages anticipate such situations and make money a taboo subject.
As an advice to prevent divorces due to this reason experts advise to discuss financial topics in a serious and permanent way. Firstly what both spouses need to do is to have common budget and to calculate all their spendings, each of them. They might have personal bank accounts with amounts they do not to share but according to the family rules it is better to have one account you live with, you use for living and etc.
Leave the past.
Here we mean all past relationships, it doesn’t matter how many men or women each spouse had. All of that is huge experience and you need to be grateful to all your past other halves for being such a person you are nowadays!
If you think about any previous husband of your wife, some corn of jealousy will cause distrust and will give big hole in your precious feelings. You will blame yourself, however, you should understand that to change something when it is too late is more than difficult. You need to prevent from being a victim of your jealousy. It is heard and irritating. Similar pictures from your parent’s life will interfere and will colour relations. It is not worth for, you will lose your health and you will be emotionally weak. That could be endless until you accept the past and let it go.
Family bonds blaming.
Due to difficult factors family life tends to change its direction, for example for depression state. Or some psychological disorders. That is the result of blaming the way of living in a marriage. The way of blaming your partner, your spouse for being not that person you imagined or expected. That is the result of the enormous difference of the picture you imagined with the picture of reality. People used to give up with their anger, and it is better to control feelings and control yourself up. You will never be able to build strong stable and serious relationships just having your emotions dominated. However, psychologists recommend to learn to address anxiety and problems in positive wave, and then with calm and safe mind to discuss what is the issue to investigate. This is a hard work out though.
Do no blame yourself as well as do not blame your spouse.
Never use “me” but use “us” to denote the situation, if one is tired, supposedly you are both tired. Someone being tired managed to hurt his partner in blaming way just because of bad mood. That could be subconsciously.
Uncovering and educating yourself as a person
This is the hardest thing. You can accept your “Being yourself” earlier or later. But as soon as you realize that you will manage to make your marriage honest, trustful, faith and stable. And the person next to you will be the dearest you can rely on.
Relationship influence to your behavior and character and time will dictate some changes subconsciously. Anyway you may notice that with the manner you see yourself in a marriage. How you behave and what you do. You use your anger less than usual, you understand what is better to say right now or probably never mention at all, you know when your spouse needs attention and you will receive a feedback as well! You understand that giving is more important than taking.
You see the solution faster as you control your emotions, you understand phrases correctly nowadays with fresh brain. To be in union, to communicate properly, to sleep well and to live good, spouses need to reveal more and more each day. And never stop. It is necessary to maintain the problems, not to close eyes on them, to distinguish and to discuss and not to be afraid to notice sudden and unexpected changes.
You don’t have to be less emotional, no, but you may educate yourself with habits, reactions, effects of each other.
Experts advise to use other topics for their everyday conversations. No topics about car, work, kitchen and children. That could be politic views or travelling plans, health care advises or some intimate secret talks. Give just several minutes for those manipulations, let call them like manipulations but later you will notice it to be natural. You can use no logic systems as well, that may be just word stream of some essential adjectives, or just discussing animated movie.
You joined your life with a person you have chosen so you are responsible for the comfortable life of your other half, of your beloved. You are responsible for your comfortable life as well. If you are not happy, your partner won’t be happy the same day. You must understand that invisible chain both of you have, it is a gift to hold, to secure, to grow, to work on. Thus, you will be able to think about patience, about real love as a feeling that has years of experience, years of pictures and events, years of perfect news and all these are common thing so important for both of you.